Rules for shoes:

1)      Basketball shoes should be kept at the courts.

2)      No white Italian leather ever.

3)      Man flops require grooming of the feet and toenails, and should be reserved for the beach, pool, or sunny locations.

4)      Slippers and crocs should be set aside for home wear. Crocs are for legit gardeners. Slippers are for walking around the house. These shoes should not be seen on the street!

5)      Minnetonka moccasins are a good alternative to slippers. Most women find them endearing and cute.

6)      Socks should match shoe color. Or at least be the same hue. Or really small so that they cannot be seen if they are a different color.

7)      Quality over quantity is important to remember.

8)      No colored shoe laces.

9)      Tevas and Chacos should only be limited to mountain activities or elevations over 5,000 miles (at least).

10)  Sandals worn with socks are hideous. You look like you’re 75 years old and confused about the seasons.

11)  Footwear that should also be worn by actual professionals includes skater shoes. Most of them are unflattering and serve no practicality.

12)  Shoes should match the “theme” of the outfit. That is, they should be appropriate to what you are doing. For example, tennis shoes should not be worn to a job interview or cocktail party. It’s like when girls wear stilettos to a football game. It doesn’t make sense!

13)  Man Uggs are scary. You look like you’re searching for a yeti. And yes, I know you don’t like women wearing Uggs. But we don’t care… because Uggs are comfortable, warm, and perfect for Colorado weather.

14)  Please tie your shoelaces. I think most men learned this when they were 5 years old. Or at women hoped you did.

15)  Finally, use common sense when picking out your shoes. Don’t assume you wear a certain size—get your feet measured! You look like a slob when your shoes flop around and sliding off your feet. The point is to be comfortable.

Here are some awful shoes. I’m sure you’ve spotted some yourself…

Yes, they’re trendy. Man cardigans are in every store, at every price, and in every color. But just because it’s there, doesn’t mean you should wear it. Sure, a lot of stylish men wear man cardigans. Justin Timberlake and David Beckham, for instance, wear man cardigans regularly. Still, it doesn’t mean that every man can wear man cardigans and look cool. THEY don’t even look cool.

I am just confused on this trend. It is like a mixture of preppy and hipster and just doesn’t come out right. I apologize for anyone who is a fan of the man cardigan. More credit to you if you think it looks badass or even if you wear one without looking like Mr. Rogers. However, I still disagree. See the resemblance below?

What are your thoughts on man cardigans?

 Showing Too Much Cheek

It was so entertaining to read about one woman’s thoughts on how men wear their pants. The pictures support the author’s argument of unfortunate jean situations and commented on them. New Yorker, Tracey Lloyd, believes (like me), that men should cover their boxers or briefs when wearing jeans. She concludes that skinny pants should only be worn by skinny men—and something needs to be done about the sagging of jeans (it’s not attractive). It is eerie how similar our opinions are. Tracey’s sharp wit and outright honesty make this editorial hilarious and very truthful.

Read the entire article at: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9505E7DA1E3CF934A1575AC0A96F9C8B63

Turn That Hat Around

Oh, Jay Cutler… he’s up for so much criticism these days. Luckily, us Coloradoans don’t have to deal with his continuous bitchassness (Google Diddy + bitchassness for complete definition). However, he is in the spotlight again. No, it’s not about football. It’s about his hat wearing patterns. According to Bill Johnson, Jay’s IQ gets lowered when he wears his hat backwards. While I find this funny and somewhat accurate; I must put in a side-note here that I believe it’s acceptable to wear your hat backwards until the age of 27. Not a day later. Anyway, I think Bill has a point when Cutler’s performance has improved and maturity has increased when he wears his hat the correct way—forwards.

Read the entire article at: http://www.denverpost.com/billjohnson/ci_13591405

Keep It Classy

Fashion guru, stylist, and author, Carson Kressley, was recently in Denver at the Cherry Creek Nordstrom telling guys how they can update their wardrobes for the fall. He says that every man needs certain essentials for his wardrobe, clothing can be updated and changed for the seasons, and that style doesn’t have to be expensive. I love Carson. Although his own clothing choices are a little out there—Carson has amazing advice and an eye for good taste. He chooses classic pieces that are sophisticated and modern. Carson states that the three most important things to remember are quality, fit, and value. He adds, “You don’t need trendy and disposable clothes. It is the time to buy the best quality you can afford. This way you will get the most from the item by being able to wear it many times”. Definitely read this entire article for the list of clothing pieces that Carson suggests and his tips on looking… fabulous!

Read the entire article at: http://www.denverpost.com/fashion/ci_13662697

I think some things need to change for costumes for men. Men should think of Halloween as a chance to dress out-of-the-ordinary. But ask yourself some questions before you buy or create your costume. What is your goal for the night? Trying to impress a lady friend? Want to be funny? Want to be remembered? Like the clothes we wear everyday, Halloween costumes portray an image of who you are. I don’t think costumes should be used as “excuses” for dressing crude, offensive, and outrageous. Sure—Halloween should be fun. But you don’t want to gross anyone out or possibly hurt someone’s feelings. You want to be funny, memorable, and unique.

Halloween costumes are pricey! And honestly, most of them are not that original. I have compiled some costume ideas stemming from pop culture of 2009. All of them are easy, inexpensive, and funny.

Jon Gosselin = Jon has been going though a mid-life crises. He has been buying motorcycles, dating women 15 years younger, and acting like he’s a celebrity. Here are two pluses of being Jon for Halloween; it’s easy to make and girls will know who are and will want a picture with you.
Ingredients:
1) Ed Hardy or graphic t-shirt.
2) Stud earrings (can find magnetic ones).
3) Spiky hair
4) Baggy jeans
5) Flip flops
6) Black sunglasses
7) And if you can pull it off, attach 8 baby dolls to a leash and carry them around with you.
Tip: Don’t forget to act like you’re better then everyone.

Kanye West = Yet another egotistical man; Kanye will be popular this year after the whole fiasco with Taylor Swift at MTV’s Video Music Awards. He is all about the accessories—gaudy jewelry, scarves, watches, etc. Raid a girl’s closet and you’ll find most of these things.
Ingredients:
1) Sport coat, athletic coat, or cardigan—layer several shirts together. Make sure they’re very bright (don’t worry about matching).
2) Shutter sunglasses (the stripped ones). This is crucial to the outfit!
3) Lots of random and mis-matching jewelry.
4) Some kind of scarf. Fold it into a triangle, and tie two pints together in the back of your neck. The third point will be on your chest angling towards your feet. Have a girl help you if you get confused.
Tip: Interrupt people as they start talking by saying, “So and so is the BEST ____ ever!”

Edward Cullen = The fictional character and hottest vampire of the hit books (and movie) Twilight, Edward is a favorite of the ladies.
Ingredients:
1) Gray pressed shirt or jacket with collar.
2) Light blue t-shirt.
3) Lots of hairspray to tease your hair up. Ask a girl to help with this task. Try and make it “swoopy”.
4) Put a light pressed powder (it’s a type of makeup) on your face. The goal is to look as pale as possible. Vampires die in sunlight.
5) Add a little red tint or lipstick to your lips to make them stand out. If that’s too girly for you, try a TINY bit of red food coloring and dab it on your lips instead.
6) Must have fangs.
Tip: Be mysterious.

The Infamous Balloon Boy (Aka: Falcon Heene) = How embarrassing to have such crazy people from my hometown. This Halloween will be a perfect opportunity to bust out a Balloon Boy costume.
Ingredients:
1) You need a silver balloon. On Halloween, go to a balloon or party store and get a silver helium balloon. Attach to string. You’re going to have to carry this around all night, so make sure it’s tightly secure.
2) Get a cardboard box that’s big enough to put around your head and chest. Secure one side of the box. But a hole in bottom and on the sides for your arms.
3) Get a sticker that says “Hello my name is” and write ‘Falcon’ on it.
4) If you want an easy route, this guy from Canada already made a Falcon costume that’s hilarious and inexpensive. The entire costume is $20, but doesn’t come with actual helium. I’m guessing you could go to Party America to have them fill it up for a small fee. You can buy their “mini blimp” separate for $9 if you don’t want the rest of the outfit. Check it out at Balloon Boy Costume
Tip: Say, “it’s for the show” as often as possible.

Michael Jackson = So many Michaels to choose from… my favorite is the classic Michael.

Ingredients:
1) A sparkly white glove. I actually saw one at the Arc (thrift store) the other day for about $3. They’re everywhere. Wear it on your right hand.
2) Black fedora-like hat.
3) Aviators
4) White socks with black shoes
5) Skinny black pants.
6) Red or black sport coat.
7) White pressed shirt.
Tip: Try busting out the Moon Walk. And peace signs. Just try not to be a creeper.

Max from ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ = This might be the most difficult, but definitely original.
Ingredients:
1) A big, fuzzy, one-piece, white, costume with ears. If that doesn’t work, I suggest classic white pajamas, or even white or gray sweatpants and sweatshirt (can buy at Wal-Mart or Michael’s for about $5 each).
2) White cat-like ears.
3) A gold crown.
4) Draw whiskers on your face with black eyeliner.
Tip: Stomp around with your hands out like a monster. Add a special tough by carrying around a stuffed animal.

A great place to buy cheap ingredients to your costumes (Ed Hardy shirts, shutter sunglasses, sparkly white gloves, and crowns) is Ebay. Thrift stores, Target and Wal-Mart are also good starting points. Be sure and ask your friends and family of what you can borrow. It’s not worth spending lots of money on something you’ll never wear again.

Boo to you!

“In his case, everything is too big. It is what I refer to as the slobification of America. If you want to dress to feel as though you never got out of bed, then don’t get out of bed.”
-Project Runway‘s Tim Gunn talking about Jon Gosselin’s style.

Phil: You’re not really wearing that are you?
Alan: Wearing what?
Phil: The man purse.

Alan: It’s where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it’s not a purse, it’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.

I believe Alan is a little mistaken when it comes to the man purse. It’s not a satchel. It’s only a satchel if the bag is leather, durable, and bigger than ten inches wide. Or if your occupation includes carrying mail. I find it odd that so many designers are encouraging these ugly contraptions for men. Clearly, not all apparel considered ‘fashionable’ or ‘trendy’ should be worn.

How many things does a man need to schlep around anyway? You have a wallet, keys, cell phone, and maybe chapstick. Not enough things to put in a man purse. Women, however, carry around whole medicine cabinets. Perfect excuse for their overly priced bags.

Pockets are the male equivalent to the purse. They have many utilitarian values including; durability, convenience, and are included with every pant worn. Have too many things that can’t fit in your pockets? Backpacks, briefcases (for the sophisticates) and messenger bags (bigger man purses) are your solution.

Man purses, satchels, or (God forbid) fanny packs are never allowed.

One more thing—tigers love pepper… they hate cinnamon.

Here’s an example of a hat that only looks good on a select few; the fedora. This hat originated in 1882, when the main character of a play (“Princess Fedora”) wore the hat as a fashionable accessory. Soon they became popular for men circulating the 1920s. Now I know fedoras are supposed to be chic (even today), but I have come to the conclusion that they are not supposed to be worn on college campuses. Fedoras are unflattering hats, that unless you have a certain face shape and definite jaw structure, they are not for you. Here are a select few that can look hip in a fedora; Johnny Depp, Frank Sinatra, or someone as equally cool. That’s it. So unless you are a long lost member of the Rat Pack; forget about it.

Want to know when to retire your favorite baseball hat? Here are the signs that it’s time to say goodbye…

1)      When it smells like your scalp.

2)      If it was originally white and then “mysteriously” turned brown.

3)      If people say that you’ve worn the same hat for 10 years and it’s falling apart.

Honestly, if I was a man, I would probably wear a hat every single day. They’re comfortable, easy, you don’t have to fix your hair, and they go with just about everything. Although, there are some times when you just have to let it go. If you checked off even one of the signs above, please put your hat away! You can still keep it. Preferably on a alter in your room or even in storage for safe keeping. Think of it as a memorable piece that needs tender loving care. But don’t wear it anymore and go find yourself another beloved hat. There is a great blog (www.hatjunkies.com), where hat connoisseurs can buy, mingle, and inform each other on the latest head wear.

Some hats are to worn on occasion (sombreros) and some hats are never to be worn (trucker hats). As previously stated, I am a firm believer in having your own personal style and not following trends. With that being said, you still don’t want to look like a weirdo. Newsboy caps and military-style hats look universally good on all men. They’re different, fashionable, and little edgy. Beanies and ski hats should only be worn if it’s winter. And cowboy hats should really only be worn on legit cowboys. Exceptions include; costumes, western-horse-related activities, or camping. And of course, the classic baseball hat works too.

One last point—hats should be worn completely on your head. Not a top the head, ON the head.

May the force be with you on finding that new favorite hat.

1)      Basketball shorts should only be worn for two activities— playing basketball and sleeping. They do not match with polo shirts. Wearing basketball shorts with a polo shirt is like saying, “I’m semi-formal, but I’m also here to play basketball.”

2)      Going somewhere nice, but don’t know what to wear? Polo shirts are an easy way to look nice without being too stuffy. If polo shirts are not your style, try a button up shirt with an interesting graphic t-shirt underneath. Or even a clean shirt will suffice.

3)      Don’t wear pajama pants to campus. You just look lazy. However, sweatpants are a great comfortable and (non-sloppy) alternative.

4)      Clothes should be worn according to seasons. You know how it looks funny when girls wear Uggs with miniskirts? Well, that’s how you look with a beanie on your head while wearing shorts.

5)      White tank tops (Hanes, Fruit of Loom, etc.) formally known as “wife beaters”, are undershirts for men. They are never, NEVER, to be worn alone. Think of it as ‘man-undergarments’.

I’m a firm believer that if you dress according to what you are doing—you’ll never feel out of place or insecure. Being comfortable in what you’re wearing is important. But looking like you have put in no effort into your personal style will give the impression that you will not put in effort into anything else. Unfortunately, first impressions are everything. Whether we like it or not, people are unconsciously judging one another all the time based on their clothes. So if you want to be taken seriously, then take yourself seriously.

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society”. –Mark Twain

Taken from Urban Dictionary, here is their definition of the tapered jean…

Tapered Jeans (noun): An attempt to create a happy medium between disco-era bell- bottoms and New-Wave spandex that failed miserably. They are unusually high-waisted, full-seated, and quite narrow at the ankle (their character trait).

Unfortunately, tapered jeans happen. It’s somewhat unavoidable if you don’t know where to look or what you should be looking for. I’ve recently had to persuade my father of his own tapered jeans obsession; and he feels better off then before my intervention. Jeans (in general) are hard to shop for. There are so many cuts, styles, washes, cuts, and so on. Grabbing your size right off the shelf doesn’t necessarily work when shopping for jeans. Yes, you WILL have to try them on. But that is why I am here to make your jean shopping trip a success.

When going into a store, be sure and ask someone there to help you. After all, that’s what they are there to do. Sales personnel know a lot about the specific stores’ sizing and jean detail. Designers use different models for individual clothing lines, so you might not be the same size with every brand.

Below are the simplest of instructions when buying jeans…

1)      Ask the sales person to help you.

2)      Pick out medium to darker washed jeans.

3)      Be willing to try on sizes that are you perceive to be smaller or bigger.

4)      Acceptable jeans say “boot cut” and “flare”.

5)      Jeans that might be hard to pull off include;  “straight or skinny” leg styles (unless you’re a rockstar) and “lose” leg styles (unless you’re a gangster). “Cargo” is only good in when describing shorts, or pants if you’re a construction worker.

6)      However, when “loose flare” or “loose boot cut” is available, try these on too. It’s a less structured fit.

7)      Avoid jeans that are too wide in your hips and get smaller towards your shoes. (This is a red flag for tapered jeans).

8)     When trying on, be sure to stretch, bend over, and walk around. Jeans shouldn’t cut off your circulation. Or allow for any undergarments to show… sorry, we don’t really want to see your Superman boxers today.

9)      Jeans should touch the top of your shoe. Any jeans that don’t do this are called “high-waters”. You end up looking goofy and dorky.

10)    Lastly– denim clothing should only include jeans and jackets. Jorts (jean shorts) are an entirely different topic.

Jeans are a staple for everyone. They can be dressed up, and dressed down. It’s important to find jeans that fit your body type, lifestyle, and personality. I am reminded of a great quote by the late Yves Saint Laurent when it comes to jeans. He said, “I wish I had invented blue jeans. They have expression, modesty, sex appeal, and simplicity.”

 Something good to remember.

That is not to say that I believe men and their clothes decisions are a hopeless cause, but quite the contrary. I believe that through education and demonstration, young males can be informed of the most simplistic and effective style choices; creating a more aesthetically pleasing male population and in turn, a more opportune dating market. Hopefully both men and women will find humor from this blog, as well as tips and advice on clothing. I am not here to dis all of you college men, but to lend a kind word on how to dress for your personality and body. Some fashion trends simply do not flatter everyone and it is important that college males figure this out now.

My views of male fashion can be summed up by the eloquent monologue given by character Cher Horowitz in Clueless, “So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy plants and take their greasy hair (ew) and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so.”